Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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