ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
