I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
