Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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