it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
