So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
