Tell her she can't have a vagina
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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