We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
