he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
