You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
