I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
