So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
