haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize