They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
