no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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