Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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