I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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