the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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