Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
