im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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