Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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