Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
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