would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
