sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
