I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
