Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
