i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
