Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
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I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
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What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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