Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize