i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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