Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
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and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
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Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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