ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
