things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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