i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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