Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
