i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
