So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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