theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
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headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
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my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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