im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
