in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
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I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
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I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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