just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize