with your own penis?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
