Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
