Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
