Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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