I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
