ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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