Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
my poor anus
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
