I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
