i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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