omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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