it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
