It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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