There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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