pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I will be naked everywhere
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
