I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize