I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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