he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
