I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
