y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
