Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
