i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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