...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
