The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I just want to make out with him forever
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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