Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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