I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
