not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
