he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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