they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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