you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
