I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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