I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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