Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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