i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
