Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just cropdusted the office
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
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